Hello! It’s time for July’s Link Party with Sheryl at “A Chronic Voice.” Thank you Sheryl for hosting this link party, and coming up with great prompts month after month! This month’s prompts are Justifying, Starting, Analyzing, Concluding, and Planning.
Justifying
I’ve been working with a mental health therapist since last winter, when I was really struggling with depression. This prompt reminds me that as a person with chronic illnesses and pain, that it’s a struggle to not feel lazy, because I’m not able to work anymore. Since being in the chronic illness blogging community, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only one whose self-esteem has taken a hit by illness.
For me, I’ve come to understand that my self-worth has always been tied to my productivity, and how well I perform. I’m just beginning to realize that I have worth, because there is no one else exactly like me in the world. That each person, including me, has value just because they’re alive and unique. After all, we are “human beings not human doings.” (Kurt Vonnegut)
Also, I’ve known in my head that I was loved by God, but that knowledge had never reached my heart before. I thought that God expected me to be doing things as well. I thought he expected perfection, and I was incapable of being perfect. But maybe he just wants me to be his child, his creation with no strings attached. Maybe I don’t need to justify my existence to others.
Starting
This summer, I started planning and doing activities that I never have done before. Last month I went on a Writer’s Retreat. This month I planned a trip into my city to watch my son in a rowing race. I’ve seen these events on television, but never in person. It was interesting to learn how they run these races, and to watch him and his team in the races. He got first place in his first race and second place in his second race.
Afterwards, we had a nice picnic provided by the sponsors of the race. If you’ve not tried anything new in a while, it might be time. Even small things like sitting in a different chair or trying a new food can be helpful if you feel stuck in a rut.
Analyzing
I think with my chronic illnesses that I’m always analyzing my treatments. Are they still helping? Have I forgotten to do something? I’m really good at being forgetful.
Last week when it was so hot and humid, I had to write down my water intake to make sure that I got in 8 glasses of water each day. I found myself getting dehydrated. The weather was causing me to feel very sluggish, so I wasn’t drinking enough water. It took concentrated effort and recording to help me improve my hydration.
Concluding
The only conclusions I’ve come to this month, is that all the activities have to be planned one right after the other in order to drive me crazy. Why does the baby shower I said I would go to, have to come the day after my son’s rowing race. Why does the church meeting have to be at 2:30 in the afternoon, when I’ve already been to church in the morning? If you ever discover why this happens AND how to make it stop. Let me know.
It’s either miss things I don’t want to miss, or suffer the consequences of severe fatigue, and pain if I push myself to do both. Grrr.
Planning
I’m planning on continuing with the Index-Card-A-Day Challenge till the end of July when it finishes. Somedays, I just don’t have the energy, so I end up doing two or three cards before posting them on the Daisy Yellow Facebook page, and on my Instagram account. I’m proud of myself for making it this far! Creating an art card every day for 61 days is not easy, but it’s been fun and challenging. Here’s a recent card:
Wrap Up
Well that’s all I’ve got to say for this Link Party.
Missed June’s Link Party? You can read my answers here:https://upbeatliving.net/june-2019-link-party/
Read what others have written for July’s prompts here: https://www.achronicvoice.com/2019/06/30/july-2019-linkup/
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Till next time, Kathy
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Such a natural and wonderful take on this month’s prompts, Kathy! Love all the snippets of wisdom, and how you’ve been putting them all to practice for yourself, too. Soft pushes can be good once in a while, although I agree the frequent crashes are such a pain to deal with, literally and figuratively!
Thanks for your comment, Sheryl!
Great exploration of the prompts, Kathy. I’m glad you’re finding therapy helpful. When you wrote “For me, I’ve come to understand that my self-worth has always been tied to my productivity, and how well I perform” I could really relate. I spoke to the pain management therapist I saw last year about this, uncovering just how much losing my job hit me and how it was downhill from there mentally. You’re right, self-worth is far more than productivity and performance. xx
I lost my job a little over 6 years ago. I remember being absolutely lost. I had one college student and two teens still in school. They got themselves up and going in the morning, because I worked. It was all I could do to get dressed before the first one came home in the afternoon. I just felt like all the purpose had gone out of my life. Like even my kids no longer needed me. I definitely feel better now, but it was really bad for several years.