It’s time for April’s Link Party with Sheryl at “A Chronic Voice”. Every month there are prompts to write about, and people’s answers are linked in Sheryl’s post for all to read. This month’s prompts are Returning, Understating, Distancing, Stressing, and Celebrating.
This month has led to a return of a fibromyalgia flare. That means the return of all over pain, an upset stomach, and my brain feeling like I’m slogging through thick syrup. I’m not happy about it at all. Since I’m really having trouble sleeping, both getting to sleep and staying asleep, the possibility of this flare being short-lived is zero. My pain tools aren’t working. Yay! Hello depression, too. Are we having fun yet?
The thing that has really struck me this month is how little many Americans care about their neighbors. Their precious liberty is worth more than helping to keep their communities safe. I see some people helping each other, but I see a lot more people not caring. I live in an apartment building with mostly elderly and disabled tenants, and even they keep visiting with each other, and ignoring social distancing guidelines.
Meanwhile I sit in my apartment, fearful of going out to even get my mail, empty my trash, or do my laundry. Even a pharmacy delivery is anxiety provoking. Put on a mask. Go down the back steps to avoid the elevator. Open the front door, while the masked delivery man hurriedly hands my bag to me, and moves away quickly as if I could give the virus to him. Then walk back up two flights of stairs. Put my bag down like it’s toxic and hurriedly wash my hands. Take off my mask and wash my hands again.
This pandemic is exhausting!
Also, the pandemic is slowly starving me of human contact and hugs. I’m an introvert. I live alone. I don’t mind spending time alone, but I need weekly hugs and people interaction. I was already more isolated due to my broken shoulder, and my inability to drive. I can drive short distances now, but their is nowhere I can safely go due to my immune deficiency and chronic lung disease.
I miss human interaction. I really miss hugs.
Consequently, I am not handling this stress well. My brain won’t shut down at bedtime, even though I’m exhausted. I tried getting up at my regular time. That just led to more exhaustion. Yesterday, I sat on my couch like a zombie from 9 am to noon before I could get up and function. I fell asleep earlier last night only to be awakened by yet another thunderstorm rolling through.
I tried walking more hoping to tire myself out. It worked. I exhausted myself and needed two days of doing nothing to recuperate. Still not sleeping though.
My dreams are filled with bizarre and distressing images. Deep breathing isn’t helping. Meditation works until I stop, and then the stress level goes right back up. GRRR!
Sheryl mentioned that April is Stress Awareness Month, How appropriate! I visited their website. I learned that dehydration can make it harder to get a good night’s sleep. Maybe drinking more water will help me. Excuse me while I refill my water cup.
Finally, there are two things bringing me hope right now.
- Spring is here.
- Easter is coming.
You can read other bloggers answers to this month’s Link Party prompts here. If you’re struggling with anxiety and loss of sleep, know that you’re NOT alone. I’m going to check out in more depth the Stress Awareness Month website. I hope you all are staying safe.
If you missed last month’s link party you can read it here. Till next month’s link party, Kathy
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